WESTERN PURELAND

I finally get a glimpse into the pureland of Amituofo buddha through one of the animation vcd.

After watching and listening the vcd, my heart feel very happy and peaceful and i wanted to be reborn in the pureland of Amituofo.

Don't know why, whenever i heard chanting sound. I will feel very peaceful and had a very familiar feeling, like don't know when i heard it before.

Being reborn to that place is a good thing, everybody is kind-hearted and there will be no one who wil find fault with you ect. No more old age, sickness and death. No more working:). That's place sound very beautiful and i aspire to go there.

I will pray that all my past and present life debtors will forgive me and will not haunt me. I heard that this is a very powerful thing. From this day onwards, i will not harm any beings and will not bring harm to others.

A VISIT TO THE CLINIC

This morning, i went to a free TCM clinic for a consultation regarding my body, my menses is too irregular.

I went to see this TCM doctor which is specialise in gynae problems, mainly people who had difficulty in having children. When i see the doctor, she ask what is my problem and i told her and she ask me whether am i married, how many children ect.

I told her i am married for 4year but still no children cuz i don't want to have any. Then, she got very upset and said that have children must have it when one is young but the problem is i don't want any, i don't have the mentality, i still like my present life, carefree and travelling around the world with hubby.

She ask what if i were to be pregnant? This is a very senstitive question. If it was the former me, i will consider aborting it cuz i am not a buddhist, now, after going for classes and dharmma talk, chanting ect, i will give birth to it and love it with my own heart and sent my child to dharmma classes. Going for chanting ect and listening to dharmma talk made me more faithful in having a child.

If don't have much better, more carefree, can travel around the world, spend as and when i like but if have a child, i will have to be more prudent with my spending and no more holidays. Also, more time will be invested into the child but i am really thankful to my mum for making the decision to give birth to me when she is only 19 years old. If not, i won't have the chance to come into this world and had the chance to repent and the chance to get close to Buddha and a chance to go to the pureland of Buddha and attain enlightement.

Last time, i don't have this mentality, i thought money is everything and that i chose the wrong family but now i see the other side and learn that being rich can't buy everything and enlightement. Through some of my hardships in my life, i learn to be stronger and i had a chance to create good Karma thanks to my father who had been bad to us all these years if i am able to forgive him.

So whether have a child or no child, i don't really care. What i care for is i will gain englightement and will not come back to this world again. I want to be Buddha's good disciple every single life.

Amituofo May I be well and happy always, May i be free from sickness, dieases and emnity. May i be reborn into the pureland of Buddha and Bodhisattva.

MY BUSY & OCCUPIED LIFE

Ever since i had shifted house, i became more and more busy with my life and this had made me more occupied and happier.

When i got my house key, i am busy with my new house renovation and almost all of them are diy by me and hubby:) I had even became a painting expert by helping my hubby paint the whole house. Three bedrooms and 1 living room:).

Now, looking back and seeing the whole house covered with paints ect. These are the result of our hardwork of labour and sweat. We had diy the kitchen cabinet, sink, one table hanged on the wall, dining table and chair, tv console, walk-in-wardrobe, our platform bed and a feature wall to cover up the ugly bomb shelter.

We had refused to spend the money for renovation as we are thinking of selling off the house and moving to a smaller house 5 years later. Now, i am glad that we did save all our hard-earned money from spending them on those renovation contractors.

Firstly, now the market is so bad and we can't withdraw our money from our investment, if not we will lose a huge amount.

Secondly, we are hardly at home. Weekdays whole day off to work, back at home 7.30pm. Saturday half of the day spent doing household chores, 5pm off to the temple, 11pm back at home sleep. Sunday, Morning 8am off to the temple again, need to go back to mother-in-law's house, my mother's house. Back at home at night again.

So, now my life is more routine and occupied. Weekdays work, Saturday household chores and temple, Sunday morning temple, afternoon and evening still had to go back to my mother and parent-in-laws' house.

Poor hubby and me, hardly had time for ourselves. Our life is occupied with entertaining and playing different roles and characters. For me, subordinate to my bosses in my office, dutiful, loving and caring wife to my hubby at home, had some quiet time with Buddha and Bodhisattva, for weekend, became a maid liao, keeping the house clean and tidy, washing clothes ect. In the temple, play the role of Buddha disciple by chanting to him, being a student by listening to dharmma talk, daugther to my mom and still had to go back and play the role of a good daughther-in-law to my mother-in-law. Haiz why life had to be so difficult and full of responsiblities?

Tired and occupied. Runaway time to a quiet and relaxing place with my beloved hubby. 11Days of holiday to Thailand:) Giving ourselves a break from our hetic lifestyle. No more work, no more responsibilites, no more cooking, no more house hold chores, no more parents, families, hee hee

Spending quiet quality time together with hubby in our own world, no more playing different roles:) juz eat, sleep, play and concentrate on shopping and spending our hard-earned money Wohoo, Thailand here we are coming. But we will not forget about Buddha and Bodhisattva, we will forever worship you. Will spend some time in this holiday reflecting on the dharmma.

AN UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

Found this to be a very meaningful link.

http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/UpSideDown.pdf

It's about four person whom are unhappy with their life and finally they are able to find peace and happiness by following Buddha's teaching.

I tend to be unhappy with life sometimes as it will tend to be setbacks, strong desire, sickness and craving within myself but i know that i can overcome all these by following Buddha's Teaching sincerely.

May Myself, my family and all the beings in the world be well and happy always.

BEAUTIFUL NATURE

I was searching the net for my next destination of travel. I love travelling, cuz i get to see many different type of things, food and culture. I hate to stay in Singapore or at home always, cuz its so boring, doing the same old things everyday, so routine:(

I fall in love with Taiwan and Japan. This put me in the mood to work harder in order to fufill my wishes. These two countries are so beautiful and it touch my heart.

I love to see the flower fields, hello kitty and yes natural things, landscape, sakura, things different from my homeland. Haiz, why is it that i still love this world? I fall in love with those beautiful secenary in this world. I fall in love with the lavendar field, The Sakura flower and the steam train in Alishan, the sea cloud ect.

I heard that in the pure western land that there are lots of jewellery but will there be any flower or natural things? I keep on asking myself this question. What does the other world look like and how will it be?

Don't tell me the other world is even more beautiful than this world? I had to constantly remind myself not to fall into the deep trap of this world that would hinder my path to attain enlightement.

Amituofuo

THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE NIGHT SKY

After my chanting at night, i always like to look high up into the night sky, in search for the brightest star that is visible to me high up in the sky.

And i will always find the brightest star in the sky. This week, i was so tired that i did not chant for the whole week and today this bright shining star appear right before my eyes again while i was sitting on my bedroom floor searching the net.

It held a special place in my heart, a feeling hard to describe. I love to stand at my window and begun to stare up onto the bright star and asked is heaven inside the star / What is heaven like? Does any buddha live in the star? Cuz it's always the brightest and most visible star to me.

Now it had disapper into the cloudy night sky:(

NOTHING LAST IN THIS WORLD

I found this while surfing through the net and find it to be very meaningful.

It reads :

Nothing lasts in this world.It feels great to have friends who believe in you, and people you can rely on. That's why it's so dangerous, especially if you become used to it. Someday you're bound to lose everything. Everybody around you will be gone.Then what are you left with? Nothing. Nobody...It's so miserable yet inevitable. It's so hard to recover from something like that. I never ever want to deal with that again. I can't. Even if it means being alone...

Last time I used to hold on to things in life very tightly and everyday my prayer will be Bodhisattva, pls bless me and my husband with good health, stable job, good relationship with husband ect ect.

It’s not a bad thing if we pray for these things in life but we must also accept changes that will be bound for in life. For example, if you are in good health today, doesn’t mean you will be in good health forever. If you are rich, doesn’t mean you will be rich forever. One day, your loved ones will also leave you if it’s meant to be in this way.

Last Saturday, I went for a Buddhism talk in a temple, the speaker is a counselor in the family service centre. He had seen lots of families’ problems, especially divorce case?

One thing he told us is, he had seen some that they themselves depends so much on the other half that once the other half is no longer with them or don’t want them, they became lost and can’t live totally cuz they put so much time, effort & hope in the other half and when the other half is gone, they can’t accept it and became very depressed in life.

One word that the speaker said, had stayed in my heart until this present moment, Don’t ever live for others, Only live for yourself. Hui zi ji er huo? He does not teach us to be selfish but instead live your life as if you are enjoying it and don’t depend so much on other people in your life that when they are gone, you felt weak and so lost that you can’t live anymore.

To be honest, I will fall in the category of the weak one, cuz I am weak and timid and I had to be honest to myself and admit it truthfully. But, now, I had to change my mindset.

Last time, when young, I used to be very dependent on my family. Even though my father is not a good husband/father, I still hope that we can stay together as a family. At least to me, I had a complete family in the eyes of others. I had a father, mother and a sister. I remembered how I cried with my mum when he had to go oversea to work in China when I was juz nine years old. In my teenage year, everything changed. My father and mother had divorced each other. I felt so upset all of a sudden and could not accept the truth. It was my husband who had supported me through that period of difficulty and that is when my husband got the chance to meet up with my mom for the first time. I feel so touched that I end up married to my husband at a young age. Fate?

This is the reason why I became so dependent on my husband all these eight years, not financially dependent but emotionally dependent. I am happy that we can see each other first thing in the morning everyday, going for holidays together, having dinner together and I pray to Buddha that I am so grateful to Buddha that I can found that special someone who is willing to share the same religion as me.

But I was highlighted the importance of letting things go and that nothing last in this world. I struggle with the thought of him dying first or me. I hate to be separated from him. Hate it or love it, it still had to be Buddha’s way and I must learn to accept it.

RIGHT MINDFULNESS

I had been reminded time and time again by my teacher to be mindful of the things that we do, but i was juz too lazy to give myself even 5 minutes a day to pratice meditation.

Today, i went to a talk organized by the temple nearby my house. It reminded me of the importance of being mindful again. Tonight, i force myself to meditate for at least 10 minutes. While meditating, i realise the everchanging nature of my mind. Every minutes and seconds, its changing, very fast.

Now, the solution is to learn how to tackle and stabilize my mind through daily meditation. I hope to attain a peaceful state of my mind. Now my mind is juz too busy and pre-occupied:( I wish that i can juz be a simpler person and to be able to live a simple and carefree life.

UNCOMFORTABLE BODY

I don't know why this morning, i woke up with my whole body aching. It's real painful. Until now my whole back and shoulder is still very painful. Juz hope that time will pass soon and i can go back home and rest.

Yesterday, while going home, i had a bad scare. I was taking the lift up to the 12th storey, my house. Suddenly, the lift's door opened at the 8th storey but no one was there. When i went up to the 12th, I can see the staircase's door open and close, looks like someone had open the door and go in.

I got a scare, cuz my level is very quiet as there were no neighbours living next to me. The others three houses still nobody living. I got so wierd neighbours, 1 move in very early, had housewarming while others are still renovating, one month later, the wife gave birth, full-month party then after that disapper, nomore staying there.

Another family is a malay couple with a kid. Very unfriendly, tend to keep to themselves and keep their doors close at all times, sometimes they will come back. After a few days, disappear and came back then disappear again. The other house, next to me, nobody open the house yet.

Everynight, me and my husband will live alone in that level:( I am not afraid of ghost, juz afraid of robbery cases. Now, I am so tired. Hope to go back to my house and rest. Don't know whether should i wait downstair for my husband or go home myself first:( So boring, new house:(

MY DAILY LIFE SCHEDULE

Ever since I had shifted, my life becomes more and more busier and busier. But in a sense, is good as it make me feel more occupied in life and not a feeling of emptiness.

But it seem quite scary to see life passes so fast day by day and to accept that we will become old, sick and eventually pass off from this world.

Buddha thought us by saying noting is permanent in this world and we can't escape death and becoming old. Only through enlightenment, does one escape from being reborn again.

So now my wish is to gain enlightenment, i feel myself more and more not belonging to this world, i want eternal life to escape from all the things i need to go through again and again and i am feeling tired of it.

I can't feel the presence of buddha or bodhisattva, maybe i am loaded with to many rubbish from this world. Hope that i will soon be able to participate in a 7 or 14 days retreat and i will gain enlightenment soon.

FEELING SICK

Yesterday, i went back to my mom's house and may had made the wrong decision. My cousins are all sick (fever) and started to transfer the viruses to one another.

Even my autie had caught the virus. Yesterday, when i went i am going home after the buddhism class, it rain heavily and both me and my husband are caught in the rain. When i got home, i started to have flu symptoms. My mom called me and i can't juz simply reject her by saying i won't be going back home, morever she had juz recovered from operation and is resting at home.

I got scolded from my husband when i went back home cuz he is not happy and he told me he needed to take a rest. I still got lots of things to do, buying grocery ect. My aunt have been helping my mum to cook for the whole month as my mum can't take heavy things.

When i got there, my aunt started to talk to me and i noticed that she is sick. After staying for a few hour in my mom's place, I feel sick and my body feel weak.

This morning, i went to see the doctor and it cost a bomb. $39. My heart ache as i can only claim $35 for medical expenses from my company. But what to do?

To make things worse, my husband criticize me again this morning. Even though i was sick, i make it a point to wake up at 6.30am to prepare porridge for our breakfast. He told me not to do it again and said i am not so free, i need to work, i am not a monk blah blah blah.

Yesterday, the fa shi talk about thankfulness. I wonder did my husband thank me for the effort that i had put in by waking up so early in the morning to prepare for our breakfast?

I know he had a point. He said can settle by eating bread or biscuits but now i know it's not healthy to skip breakfast and study had shown that by eating a full breakfast will make one feel more energnise during the day.

But never mind, in life is like this, what you had done for others, they may not appreciate your effort, maybe they have their own views, different from mine but Buddha did teach me to have generosity and loving kindness to all sentient beings.

VEGETARIAN, PARTIAL VEGETARIAN, NON-VEGETARIAN

I remember when I first started the basic Buddhism course, one of the student ask the teacher, must all Buddhist became vegetarian?

The teacher replied by answering, it’s not necessary and it depends on you. He told us that actually meat is smelly.

Meat is Smelly? At that certain point, I can’t really understand but if now, it made some sense to me. Human beings are real cruel, in a sense that they marinate the meat with flavorings to hide the smell in order to gain profit.

The cause? This lead to more and more animals being reared in poor condition and treated badly. Accidentally, I found this website www.meat.org. It shows how the meat industry ill-treats these poor animals. How they kick and slam the animals and they treat them as if they are bastard or they had done them wrong.

They rear the animals in poor conditions especially chickens and pigs. This is how I feel, if human beings want to eat animals, it’s an act of cruelty already, but if they keep them in such poor condition and ill-treat them, I don’t know how to say also.

Last time, I thought taking egg is okay but after I watch the video, maybe I would not consider buying egg from the supermarket anymore. I feel that especially in Singapore, we should stop eating meat or at least not so frequently, cuz all our food are imported from overseas and we are not sure where the source came from or how the animals are being treated and reared.

How I wish I had a piece of land. Then I can rear 10 hens and wait for them to give me eggs. One more thing, we don’t know what the supplier feed their animals with, so our health is in danger. So, why risk our health over unhealthy diet?

VEGETARIAN, PARTIAL VEGETARIAN, NON-VEGETARIAN

From 4th August onwards, i tried to be a vegetarian by eating vegetarian during lunchtime. Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, is still okay. Up till Saturday afternoon, while washing the clothes, i was craving for KFC. One of my past-time favourite but i was able to dimiss the thought until Sunday. On Sunday, when i went to my in-laws' house for lunch. There were lots of meat, all my favourite, fish, meatballs, chicken wing. I can't resist but to eat them. Then during evening, i was craving for more meat, i ate kfc.

On Monday, my husband came and fetch me and i can't resist and went to a japanese restaurant. I eat ebi rice, roasted sotong, terayaki chicken, icecream and sushi. After dinner, i feel so sorry and sinful that i told my husband. I felt human beings are real devil, and when there is a market demand for more animals, the restaurant will profit and it will result in more animals being rear poorly and killed for their meat.

I am sorry to say that up till today, i still remember the taste of the roasted sotong cuz i really love it.

Today while having breakfast at my office's canteen, i saw nuggets, my favourite again. But change it to fried egg and otak instead, still not so bad, even though not vegetarian.

I went to watch movie last Monday with my hubby and i decided to have dinner in a Thai restaurant. I chose vegetarian food and i was happy that even though it was vegetarian is still feel as full as eating non-vegetarian food in the restaurant.

VEGETARIAN, PARTIAL VEGETARIAN, NON-VEGETARIAN?

I was struggling between these three thoughts since last two weeks.

Since young, I love to eat meat. Every dish that i have must have meat. I don't like vege. I remeber the taste of vege as bitter and funny.

After marriage, when i stay with my in-laws, i learn how to eat vege but they are also meat eater. Every meal there is at least two or three meats. At lunch or everywhere i go, i love to eat meat and at least must have a meat.

Everytime, i thought that as human beings, meat is a necessity. Though i eat meat, i never killed a single fish or chop a piece of meat before. I thinks its cruel. I never like the smell of a wet market cuz it's smell of raw meat.

I only eat meat:) I love animals even fish. I can't bear to eat goat cuz they look so innocent and cute. I only eat chicken and pig. Until i saw the animal liberation video last two Sundays, i don't have the heart to eat animals anymore. Cuz it's look so cruel when we rear them and then kill them for our food. I cried during the video.

I brought nine little goldfish last month. When they die, i felt sad and bring them beneath my block to bury them in the soil. I even brought them to the vet. I keep on questioning myself why did i kill and eat other fishes while my pet fishes i don't even bear to kill them let alone eat them?

Whenever i see dead fishes with their eyes wide open, i feel sad for them. But all along, i thought its normal that animals are for human consumption. This is what God give to us for food but i was wrong due to misconception. I should stop eating animals.

Brush Encounter With Buddha

Since young, my family is Taoism. That's mean we burn joss paper, offer meat as sacrifice, will burn paper houses ect for our past away relatives.

When i am 14 yrs old, i started attending church due to the influence from my teachers and friends at school until the age of 19 yrs old. I was in a Catholic school. This does not bring much insight into my life or i was asked to go to the church. One day, in church, my senior was praying for me then she told me "God" told her that i had something following me all the while and that thing do not want to leave me. She ask me whether do i have any amulets or anything from the temple? I told her no, she told me must throw away the things that belong to the temple in order to serve"God". She had difficulty in telling that thing to go? She keep on praying for me.

I decided to left the church, when i found my husband. He was against the idea of me going to the church. I had the feeling that i do not belong to them and many of my friends and my family don't like me to go to church. I followed him and went to pray in the temples. I know nuts about Buddhism neither does my Husband?

After knowing him for two years, i had the hardest time to go through. If not for him, i may had die. After marriage, we continued to travel to many places, mostly we will stop at temple to pray pray with the influence from my husband. Whatever temple we see, we will go in and pray for Health and Safety.

Turning Point? When i went to Hongkong, i got the first glismpe into Buddha's life and know how he became englightened to become a Buddha. It's quite interesting as we will be taking through an aminated journey to learn about Buddha.

Every Vesak Day, I will make it a point to go to Buddhist temple to bathe the buddha and offer flowers to Guan Yin. I got mistaken that bathing buddha is making wishes, now i know is to wash away our sins.

Ever since i know my husband, he will always remind me to go to the temple to pray. When i first know him, i remember telling him how i love and respect Guan Yin, she has a compassion towards me ect.

I love to pray to Guan Yin the most, frankly speaking, i don't really like to pray to the other toaist gods. I told my husband, when i had a home, i will worship Guan Yin in my house.

Patiently, i wait for the arrival of my new house. On the day that the Fengshui Master came to audit my new flat, he told me one thing, to ask me and my husband to change our bazhi. This cost a whopping sum of $10,000.00 per person.

My whole heart sank when i realize that i can't lead the life that i want. A life without worries and luxuries (lot of money). I even want to live as long as possible in order to enjoy the riches that i had. I started to cry and shouted why is heaven so unfair, why can't i be rich while others can?

Suddenly, i had a thought in my heart. To not to belive in the fengshui master but to go to seek refuge in the Buddha. I started to be interested in Buddhism and went for the course. Indeed, Buddhsim had changed me a lot, my attitude towards life for juz a short one month. Even, my husband notice the changes in me.

Brought Back to Childhood & Earlier Days In My Life

I had been going to the Basic Buddhism Course every Sunday faithfully for the past 1 months and I had learn alot of things through the teacher.

Yesterday, after the class, I was in the bus with my hubby. I had forgotten about my childhood days or did not think about it all these years but after the class yesterday, i keep on recalling back my life as a child and teenage.

I felt that i was blind throughout my years. As a child, i was very naughty. When i am five years old, i knew how to steal things and tell lies. When i was born, I was the only baby in my mother's family, first grand daughter in the family. Whatever i want, i will get it. I remember thats how i started to steal thing at the age of five in a stationary shop when my mom refused to buy it for me and i lied to my mum that it's my friend who gave it to me.

I had a good spanking from her when she found out the truth. How i cut my autie's clothes to become my barbie dolls's clothes, and how i run home myself when my mom refuse to buy my favourite food, leaving her there to search for me ect. I know all these result in CRAVING.

I remembered how i love and wanted barbie dolls when i am in my primary school days when i saw my friends with it. How i love Mcdonald when i can't afford it at that time.

Now, if you give me barbie dolls, i don't think i would even take a look at it and i can have mcdonald everytime as and when i like it now.

So, when i think i about it now. I feel that what i had done in the past is real stupid and unnecessary. I did not even realise what i had done is stupid, i thought it's natural that human beings will have craving and they will grow out of it from one stage to another stage in life.

After, i attend the basic buddhism class, it did shed some lights into my life. What i thought it's natural and normal in life is actually wrong, it will bring attachment to this world, greed, unhappiness and suffering.

Come to think of this, what if i continue to steal things from others or the bookstore to satisfy my cravings then i got caught and handed over to the police?

Maybe this is my past karma, that i must suffer during my early years, then when i was in the twenties, i started to learn and know about buddha. My mom did not teach me all these when i was young and there are alot of things in life that i do not understand previously until my brush encounter with Buddha so this is why i named my journal as my new life encounter.

FIRST POST

I would like to set up this new blog to blog about my new life encounter/journey with Buddha & Bodhisattva.

I myself cannot describe or apprehend it either. Its a strange feeling. All these happen like in a dream?

Indeed, i was hightlighted that life on this earth is like a dream by listening to the dharma last Saturday. The title of the CD is, what is the reason that keep us ongoing in this earth or why do we come to this earth if life is imperance (short, not lasting).

The sad thing is when i listen until the end of the cd, there is no one definite answer. The answer is through self-meditation then can one find the truth.