Brought Back to Childhood & Earlier Days In My Life

I had been going to the Basic Buddhism Course every Sunday faithfully for the past 1 months and I had learn alot of things through the teacher.

Yesterday, after the class, I was in the bus with my hubby. I had forgotten about my childhood days or did not think about it all these years but after the class yesterday, i keep on recalling back my life as a child and teenage.

I felt that i was blind throughout my years. As a child, i was very naughty. When i am five years old, i knew how to steal things and tell lies. When i was born, I was the only baby in my mother's family, first grand daughter in the family. Whatever i want, i will get it. I remember thats how i started to steal thing at the age of five in a stationary shop when my mom refused to buy it for me and i lied to my mum that it's my friend who gave it to me.

I had a good spanking from her when she found out the truth. How i cut my autie's clothes to become my barbie dolls's clothes, and how i run home myself when my mom refuse to buy my favourite food, leaving her there to search for me ect. I know all these result in CRAVING.

I remembered how i love and wanted barbie dolls when i am in my primary school days when i saw my friends with it. How i love Mcdonald when i can't afford it at that time.

Now, if you give me barbie dolls, i don't think i would even take a look at it and i can have mcdonald everytime as and when i like it now.

So, when i think i about it now. I feel that what i had done in the past is real stupid and unnecessary. I did not even realise what i had done is stupid, i thought it's natural that human beings will have craving and they will grow out of it from one stage to another stage in life.

After, i attend the basic buddhism class, it did shed some lights into my life. What i thought it's natural and normal in life is actually wrong, it will bring attachment to this world, greed, unhappiness and suffering.

Come to think of this, what if i continue to steal things from others or the bookstore to satisfy my cravings then i got caught and handed over to the police?

Maybe this is my past karma, that i must suffer during my early years, then when i was in the twenties, i started to learn and know about buddha. My mom did not teach me all these when i was young and there are alot of things in life that i do not understand previously until my brush encounter with Buddha so this is why i named my journal as my new life encounter.