MEDITATION

Yesterday i went for my 1st meditation class. Before this, i was configuring whether to go or not. Actually i am a very careless person, i think it's got to do with my character.

I had been reminded many times by my husband not to be so forgetful and careless but in the end the same old fault keep coming back. He also told me that if i were to go for meditation class, i won't make it cuz in real life, my mind is very scattered not concentrated.

Without lots of faith, i went for the class and it feel glad. My mind is so peaceful and quiet which i do not have this feeling before. I even heard my heart beating softly and gently, very subtle. I was amazed at this feeling. I told my husband even 1 million can't buy this type of feeling.

Usually, i like to speak to husband and my mind is pre-occupied but in the class, my mind just feel like being quiet.

But once i step out of the temple, my mind begin to be pre-occupied with things again. When can i break the bond of evil and stop commiting sins and turn to good deeds? I had been trying so hard but its difficult.

I am lucky to got in touch with Buddhism when i am still in my twenties cuz during my past years in this life, i think i had done lots of bad deeds but little good deeds. I am afraid of being punished in hell.

The only think i can think of is to pray to the buddha and ask buddha to give me a longer life span like until 80 years? So that, i can accumulate more mertis in this life.